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 Diary
#6: "Pussy Power: Coming Soon to a Mall Near You?"
Wouldn’t
mall-shopping over the holidays relax and soothe you if there
were a WACKYJAC storefront? As someone who has traipsed her
mother into all manner of ‘alternative’ stores as
a way to covertly expand her horizons (“Don’t worry,
Mom, it’s just retail, not the revolution -- and your
daughter certainly has nothing to do with it!”), I think
it’d be so much simpler if I could just put a Pussy
Pucker Pot lipgloss in her palm, or pull a pair of KINKY
undies off the rack for her to blush over.
I
hope she’d just blush. I don’t know. Because as
far as I know, she’s NEVER been here.
It
was another Thanksgiving. Twists of fate (and break-up’s)
put me back at my family’s dinner table last Thursday,
picking at my plate and politely fielding questions about
My Life. You know. Not my real life, but my "Lifetime
Movie," Digestible-In-One-Sitting Life, selectively edited
just for the family. (My Life: The Director’s Cut is
for mature audiences, and is only in limited theatrical release.)
When the only chance for follow-up questions is dessert, brevity
wars with honesty, and that slice of pumpkin pie can save
you from slipping into Dysfunction Danger Zone.
“What
do I do? I write for a magazine on the Web for a company that
sells women’s underwear.” Saying its feminist underwear
-- I’m not even sure that would improve matters, but
it might make it seem less salacious. After all, feminists
aren’t sexy. Do they even wear underwear?
Who’s
scared of underwear, right? I’m willing to bet feminists
are way scarier to some people than panties. There’s
something non-threatening about underwear even if the forces
at play behind what we sell (and IN what we sell, too!) open
minds, push edges, play rough... I may not be able to talk
to my mother about the Supreme Court’s stance on sodomy
laws, but I might be able to say I sell PERVERT
and DYKE
underwear and that a lot of people seem to really dig them.
Now
I know you’re thinking, “Wait, undie girl, I don’t
work for WACKYJAC. What do I do?” How do you untwist
those family knickers with some alternative undies?
1.
Tuck a pair of undies in their stockings. Be mindful to be
gentle if you’ve got to, or got it in you. Start small.
If uncomfortable laughter ensues, you can just joke that they
of course are too tame for someone like your mom/aunt/sister/cousin-in-law
Bernice, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Smile.
2.
Send your folks to me. I promise to be nice. Tell them there’s
this cool website you found. Minds tend to stretch in the
privacy of their own Internet connection. Look forward to
being surprised.
3.
Treat yourself! Nothing like a little personal ammo to remind
you how gorgeous you are when going home. Not only that, but
you can take the spiffy WACKYJAC sticker we’ll send you
with your gift to YOURSELF and leave it somewhere strategic
around the house.
You
could always wander on down to your local maul... er, mall...
and find a store you really want to carry WACKYJAC and let
them know. Then write to us and tell us where you visited.
(We won’t blush to hear you love us!)
In
the meantime, be nice to Mom if she does come over to visit.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Merry
Mall-ing to all, and to all a good night!
xo.
undiegirl
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